The Fullest Year To Date

I graduated from college.. one of the coolest days of my life.

Participated in my senior Graphic Design Program exit show. Months of late nights and stressful moments to finally be completed for a great night.

Celebrated my 22nd birthday with some of the sweetest people in my life to date. The most fun surprise!

Left a church family of almost four years. Being apart of these people helped shape who I am today. Happy our roots are tangled.

Got engaged! Another sweet day of my life's story. A surreal moment.

Spent the summer catching up with my sister and family, memory-making with the best.

Married! Incredible day. Too many special moments to count. Thankful to the Lord for such a day.

Spent a great week in Asheville, North Carolina for our honeymoon. Hiking, eating, relaxing, quality time together.

Our first home together. Learning our lives together. Enjoying each other.

By the grace of God, and the presence of the Holy Spirit, and the love of my man, I have been growing, and learning, and loving. The year was full, beautiful, bittersweet, emotional, joyful, sweet, peaceful. I will always look back on this year, 2014, and smile.

Some Advent Thoughts

A call to simplicity. A prompt to be in the present moment, not hurrying, not manipulating.

“Every moment I live, I live bowed to something. And if I don't see God, I'll bow down before something else.” Ann Voskamp

My man and I were talking about what we want for this week -- a focus, a goal, a meditation. It's our first married Christmas. We've got two families to spend time with -- lots of conversations to have, food to eat, gifts to give, memories to make. J said, "I don't want to rush moments." I jumped off that thought in realizing that sometimes the best days are ones that aren't manipulated or rushed. For me to be as present as possible in helping my mom in the kitchen, or in a conversation with a brother-in-law, not worrying what time we have to be where, or what else the day holds. Presence.

I also can't help but relate this to my relationship with God.

“God gives God. That is the gift God always ultimately gives. Because nothing is greater and we have no greater need, God gives God. God gives God, and we only need to slow long enough to unwrap the greatest Gift with our time: time in His Word, time in His presence, time at His feet.”

Time with.

Time with God. With my husband. With both my families.

Moments and encounters. Attention and conversation.

“Joy is a function of gratitude, and gratitude is a function of perspective. You only begin to change your life when you begin to change the way you see.”

Here's to seeing in a new way.

crushing on: Christmas version

Apple cinnamon bread

Christmas Crunch

Frozen Yogurt Bark

A Christmas tree for the creative

Give your napkins some Christmas charm

Twinkle lights in the hallway, anyone?

A great use for small sticks at Christmas time

Merry Christmas Eve, friends!

Maybe It's Not So Complicated

"A simple, childlike faith in a Divine Friend solves all the problems that come to us by land or sea."

I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to make spiritual things complicated. If I'm honest, it stems from a lack of love of myself, a lack of real belief of God, and a mindset that salvation and Love come by earning (which is opposite from truth).

In and out of seasons of life, I find a call to childlike faith beckoning me. Convicting, directing, challenging me.

This call makes sense, because of these words...

“Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. Mark 10

As a mature adult from a worldly perspective, I am pretty self sufficient. I am blessed with a job so that I have money to buy what I need. I have my health. I have a wonderful husband who I love and adore. But the key word there is "worldly."

The truest of realities of life is that God is my provider, and Jesus is the reason I am acceptable to God (Colossians 1:22) Jesus is the Way to God, my connection to God. I'm dependent on the Lord -- He cares for me, pays attention to me, loves and protects me, challenges me, continually washes me clean, makes me whole, etc. Salvation has nothing to do with my achievements or failures, and everything to do with God Himself -- His mercy -- and the sacrifice of His Son so that I might be saved. Eternally saved, loved, and free.

It's simple. Yet I let the world, and my flesh, snowball the simple into complex.

I don't want my faith, my personal and intimate relationship with God, to be affected and infected by letting it get complicated. I want to cling to and stand rooted in the simple truths of God. I want to stop putting so much pressure on myself, letting Christ's work on the cross, and God's good and holy nature be enough... because it is. Like Jesus said, It is finished.

"The response of the natural to the spiritual should be continuous conversion, but this is where we so often refuse to be obedient. No matter what our situation is, the Spirit of God remains unchanged and His salvation unaltered." O. Chambers

Thankfully, my Heavenly Father has reminded me once again what faith looks like. It's not in myself, it's in Him. Him and all He is.

Simple, like a child.

Let all of life spring from the well.

Creamy Chicken Quinoa and Broccoli Casserole

It's wintry outside... hello, casserole and soup season.

I happen-stanced upon this recipe over the weekend, and thought it perfect to make this week because my man is out of town for work and I wanted leftovers for lunch.



 

Quinoa. One of those ingredients most people will make a funny face at. I'll be honest and say in some dishes I'm not really a fan of quinoa. Texture thing. But in this dish? It was great.

If you’re looking for canned cream of something soup, look no further than a casserole. That is the nature of a casserole and I never question it.

Nothing from a can. Everyone = happy.

Ingredients

• 2 cups reduced sodium chicken broth


• 1 cup milk (I used 2%)


• 1 teaspoon poultry seasoning


• ½ cup flour


• 2 cups water, divided


• 1 cup uncooked quinoa, rinsed


• ¼ cup cooked, crumbled bacon (optional... sort of)


• 1 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts


• 2 teaspoons seasoning (we often use something like Nature Seasoning, but it can be whatever you like)


• ¼ cup shredded cheese (any kind will work)


• 3 cups fresh broccoli florets

Instructions

1. Sauce: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees and generously grease a 9x13 baking dish (seriously, be generous because it really really sticks to the sides). Bring the chicken broth and ½ cup milk to a low boil in a saucepan. Whisk the other ½ cup milk with the poultry seasoning and flour; add the mixture to the boiling liquid and whisk until a smooth creamy sauce forms.


2. Assembly: In a large bowl, mix the sauce from step one, one cup water, quinoa, and bacon and stir to combine. Pour the mixture into the prepared baking dish. Slice the chicken breasts into thin strips and lay the chicken breasts strips over the top of the quinoa mixture. Sprinkle with the seasoning. Bake uncovered for 30 minutes.


3. Broccoli: While the casserole is in the oven, place the broccoli in boiling water for 1 minute until it turns bright green and then run under cold water. Set aside.


4. Bake: Remove the casserole from the oven, check the mixture by stirring it around in the pan, and if needed, bake for an additional 10-15 minutes to get the right consistency. When the quinoa and chicken are cooked and the sauce is thickened, add the broccoli and a little bit of water (up to one cup) until the consistency is creamy and smooth and you can stir it up easily in the pan. Top with the cheese and bake for 5 minutes, or just long enough to melt the cheese.

Other thoughts

You will know the quinoa is done when it is soft and looks as if it has popped open. Also, if it's watery, don't worry -- with enough time, it should get that moisture soaked right up into a creamy sauce. PS - it serves about 6. As you can see I may or may not have added an absurd amount of cheese... doesn't necessarily need that much. Unless you just really dig cheese. Enjoy :)

recipe

A 'Vegas Neon' Verse For Me

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

This verse I relate to my marriage. It's one I have started preaching to myself often, to remind myself. Because honestly, I need this verse, along with Colossians 3:13 - "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." -- in Vegas neon in front of my eyes.

This is what I do, I meditate on a verse and then I take it apart to see what gold it has for me. It helps give the verse (and truth) roots.

Be on your guard.

We have to be vigilant: over our hearts, which can be led astray; over our thinking, which can become negative or defeated; and over the enemy, who seeks to divide and destroy us. Be on guard against all kinds of doubt: self-doubt, doubting my husband's character, doubting God's goodness and faithfulness to be present with us always. This is what I challenge myself with: stay on guard against selfishness when it rears its rather larger head. For me? Be on guard for the moments when I become easily offended over something small because of my own pride or insecurity.

Stand firm in the faith.

Our faith is what sustains our love. It’s the reason for our love. It’s the source and strength and purpose of our love. The best way to love my husband is to love God first, in all scenarios. For me, it's a step of faith to always believe the best about my husband, to choose compassion and kindness when my flesh wants to get frustrated. It's a way of trusting the Holy Spirit to work in and through me.

Be people of courage.

It takes courage to live in a covenant marriage: the courage to lovingly confront, when appropriate, but also the courage to receive a confrontation. It takes courage for me to be an active help-mate for my husband. It takes my own studying of the Word -- my own ongoing conversation with His Spirit -- so that I draw from His Truth to be bold. It takes courage to say 'Yes' to Jesus.

Be strong.

I need strength to forgive, strength to pursue intimacy, strength to persevere if we are carrying our marriage seemingly by ourselves (but always with God within us, of course). It takes strength to push through apathy, to fight back physical weariness and spiritual temptations to become one as a couple. For me, it takes strength to be honest, to lovingly confront sin or struggle, to confess fault.

Do everything in love.

This sums it up, doesn’t it? Living a life motivated by love. A sacred marriage calls me to be someone who knows I am deeply loved by God, someone who opens my heart, daily, to receive his love, who lives empowered by his love, and who is passionate about spreading that love. Being continually made into the likeness of Christ, we become a people carried by love. We become givers of it, expressers of it. I think it's a special, exciting, rich purpose given to us by our Father.

So I pray these words over myself, my man, and over all those who love Jesus and embark in the adventure of loving others.

And I ask God for the help to walk it out... and He goes. Because He's good.

Current Read: Look and Live

"The call is this: Make your life one unflinching gaze upon the glory of Christ."

Matt Papa and I go way back. Not sure he would agree with that statement, but here's a glimpse of back story. When Matt and his band really started traveling to play, the church I grew up in hosted them a good bit. In high school I met his girlfriend (now wife) when she came to visit with him. She and I have remained friends, and I'm thankful for her presence in my life.

Matt then committed to, wrote, and published his first book, Look and Live. I figured it would be a great read, I just didn't know how great. I've always known his heart to be genuine, to be real, to be honest. And all of those, and more, are evident in his writing.

"We cannot not worship."

"Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship."

This idea is striking to me. The idea that as humans we are always worshipping something; that it's my choice what my target is. Causes me to look inward for a self-check.

I'll confess there have been things that have come and gone, some who still rear their heads,that I worship that are not among the genetic makeup of God.

But, Matt makes a challenging statement: "Everything crumbles under the weight of worship except God... Whenever we place "glory" on any created thing, the thing is devoured and the soul is disappointed. The insatiable must have the Inexhaustable. We were made for only one glory." 

One Glory. Anything else will break my heart.

I desire my life to be built on THAT substance. The 'I AM.'

The One whose greatest glory is that He is good. Always good. 

He references idols in a way that has stuck with me: the throne of my heart. Something will always be sitting on it.

"We worship our way into sin, so again, we must worship our way out."

That idol moving occasionally from the throne of my heart is not what will grace me with abundant life at the feast of God's table. Putting something (Someone) else there -- putting God there -- will.

Seeing the glory of God in the face of Jesus. Beholding Him. Giving glory where it is only due. Experiencing Him.

I'm only halfway through the book, but the Holy Spirit is already rewiring my thinking, my believing, my choosing. And I'm so thankful for that Mercy.

A Season of Lingering

"Is there a greater Gift you could want or need or have?

Christ comes right to your Christmas tree and looks at your family tree and says, “I am your God, and I am one of you, and I’ll be the Gift, and I’ll take you. Take Me?”

This, this, is the love story that’s been coming for you since the beginning.

You don’t want to miss it — miss Him." Ann Voskamp

December is a sweet month. A mixture of busyness and stillness. Colder weather, Christmas decorations everywhere, holiday music to jam to all day long, the fun of seeking the perfect gift for a loved one -- all those things make me buzz with excitement. Yet.. I find my soul in a contemplative state. An unhurried state. A place of wanting to linger in a moment, to look around, to behold my Lord. Where I want to remain small, and walk filled with all of Him I can get.

Last year I caught Ann Voskamp's book The Greatest Gift at the tail end of the Advent season, enough to excite my bones to read it all the way through. I'm thankful for a husband who does not want to bypass these days and the purpose they can hold. So daily we'll read, we'll pray, we'll linger, we'll behold.

"Advent, it is made of the moments —

all this slow unfurling of grace."

First Thanksgiving Day Married

It was a great first Thanksgiving as a married couple.

Time with both families. Crashing his family tradition of spending the night around a campfire. Meeting 'new' aunts and uncles and cousins who hugged like they already loved me. J is undoubtedly what I'm most thankful for this year, and I'm honored to live life next to him.

Taco Soup

First time for every thing -- including taco soup. And it was goooooood. Throw in some of my man's homemade guacamole and some good chips... delicious.

Ingredients

• 1 lb hamburger or turkey burger


• 1-2 TB McCormick taco seasoning (more or less to taste)


• 1 medium sweet onion, chopped finely


• 1 green bell pepper, chopped


• 1 red bell pepper, chopped


• 1 15 oz can black beans, drained


• 1 15 oz can kindey beans, drained


• 1 15 oz can pinto or white beans, drained and rinsed (optional)


• 1 15 oz can corn


• 1 can Rotel tomato's


• 1 15 oz can diced tomato's


• 1/4 cup salsa (fresh is best)


• 1 15oz can tomato sauce

Instructions

1. Brown hamburger in a large pan over medium heat. Add in the onions, bell peppers and saute for a few minutes.


2. Add in the remaining ingredients and stir until combined. Let simmer for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. You can add a little water if it starts getting too thick.


3. Top with sour cream and cheese, extra guacamole or salsa. Serve with tortilla chips. Enjoy!

"The Fabulous Five"

Allow me to introduce everyone (from left to right)...

Hannah, the sensitive, sweet, determined one.

Me, the ... (I should ask them what they'd say... maybe after they read this).

Ashton, the organized, helpful leader.

Sarah, the independent, rebel comedian.

Mary Beth, the sassy, out-going, risk-taker.

We've been friends since our early high school days and for any and everything it was always us five. This five-some withstood guys that came and went, guys that stayed, classes that were difficult, college applications + acceptances + rejections. It withstood family drama, school events, all that was stressful and all that was wonderful.

All of my high school memories had either one or all of these women in it. And I would never trade that, because I think it's a rare thing.

As we went to separate colleges we stayed in touch, always getting together for a Cracker Barrel breakfast or tacky sweater Christmas party.

Today we're adventurers into all sorts of life -- similar and different -- but there is still a thread between us all. This beautiful, steady thread of trust, love, listening, and presence.

We may not all talk to each other super frequently, because we're all different and want different things. Each of us desire different things for our particular lives, and it's great. So rich.

But I bet you 500 cookies that if we all knew we'd be in the same town on the same weekend, we'd plan a way to get together.

This makes me thankful to the Lord for such a gift of relationship. And I appreciate these four women for how they've lived life with me -- whether we were sitting next to each other in class, or chatting every other week on the phone.

No matter where each of our lives lead us, we'll always be the "fabulous five" in my heart. And I encourage anyone who reads this to never underestimate the value of investing in friends who are near you.

Cookie In A Pan

Chocolate chip cookies -- thick, crumbly, home baked -- are my favorite dessert. And I have a great friend whose dad used to make the best cookie bar I'd ever had (he even made some especially for me to munch on as I got ready for my wedding!). I've been wanting to make my own and figured an office Thanksgiving lunch was a great opportunity to try it.

It was an eventful night.

Used the wrong flour (unknowingly, in my defense) and my fantastic, loving, sweet, gracious husband went out and got more butter so we could make another batch. 

There were tears. There was laughter. There was a good bit of hugging it out.

All of that to say:

1. My husband rocks.

2. Cookie bars, when made with the right ingredients, are delicious.

Ingredients

• 1 cup butter or margarine


• 1 cup brown sugar


• 3/4 cup white sugar


• 2 tsp. vanilla


• 2 eggs


• 3 cups flour


• 3/4 tsp. salt


• 3/4 tsp. baking soda


• 1 cup chocolate chips (or more if desired)

Instructions

1. Cream butter, sugars, and vanilla together. Add in eggs.


2. Stir in flour, salt and baking soda until combined.


3. Gently fold in chocolate chips and nuts if desired.


4. Spread on greased 9x13 pan. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes, or until lightly golden brown on top.

Enjoy, and remember sometimes all it takes in the face of a bummed out situation is a hug and some laughter.

Bearing With & Forgiving

"The grace of God is patient and works both instantaneously and over time. A mistake we sometimes make is thinking too idealistically, as though if we blow our first apology, there is no chance for a second." John Piper

Something I'm learning about marriage is that it is key to keep the proper perspective -- the bigger picture. It is an effort to see Colossians 3:13 fleshed out in real life: "Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other." Bearing with and forgiving are both present.

Real life example (cheat sheet, simplified version):

Man is on the phone during dinner and an hour afterwards. Woman is disappointed, feelings a little hurt, bummed that there wasn't any of the normal "highs and lows of the day" talk during dinner. 

Woman doesn't ice over, but isn't super perky either.

Man apologizes, asks forgiveness. Woman forgives. 

They sit in an awkward middle ground of small talk. In mercy, called out by Grace, Woman erases previous moments and finds fun, flirty, loving normalcy. They have a great rest of the night. 

Woman later confesses to acting out of that disappointment, apologizes. Man forgives, and reminds that it is okay to show when she's hurt or disappointed, but thankful she doesn't want to sit in it. 

I've only been married about three months, in relationship with this guy for two years -- it's a slow learning process. But it's movement, always movement. Growing, learning. Small steps. And the Holy Spirit, ever patient, thankfully doesn't let us sit in selfish places, places of pride or offense. He works against pride and anger, stirring up Gospel truths (Ephesians 4:32), softening the heart.

There is a kind of tenderness in apology, in forgiving, AND in being vulnerable to your spouse when something does hurt.

As these interactions keep happening, because they will -- we're marvelously human -- these habits of bearing with and forgiving will become more quickly acted on, thanks to God's gracious refining.

Hallelujah! Right? I love my man so much. Life is better with him in it.

crushing on.

Lately... So many inspiring and lovely and cool things out there. 

This cookie recipe.

Apple Fritter Waffles, be still my hungry stomach.

If I could decorate my walls with this, I would.

The King of grilled cheese sandwiches.

An inspiring reminder to embrace the art of going on a walk.

Trying to wait until December to make these but it's tough.

Reese's Krispies popcorn. Enough said.

An impactful word we probably all need to hear.

Trying Softer

As general rule, the harder you work to control things, the more you usually lose control. The harder you try to impress someone, the more you force the conversation and come across pushy or awkward. The harder you cling to a person, the more likely they are to pull away.

Sometimes trying harder helps. But what about:

Try harder to relax. Try harder to fall asleep. Try harder to not worry. Try harder to choose joy.

There are limits to trying harder. JOHN ORTBERG writes that

“often the people in the Gospels who got in the most trouble with Jesus were the ones who thought they were working hardest on their spiritual life. They were trying so hard to be good that they could not stop thinking about how hard they were trying. It got in the way of them loving people.”

The problem with always trying harder is that I get fixated on my own efforts. Often I grow judgmental. I capitalize on perfectionism, and find myself spending too many moments in comparison.

Maybe instead of making grand gestures to God, I should surrender my will to the Spirit for just today. Softer.

Trying softer means focusing more on God’s goodness than our efforts.  It means being more relaxed and less self-concious. Less pressured. When I try softer, it leaves more room for humility and grace. It means asking God for help.

If trying harder is producing growth in your spiritual life, keep it up, friend. But if it isn't, meditate with me on this.

A little softer.

List of Ten #2

"But it seemed to me that this was the way we all lived: full to the brim with gratitude and joy one day, wrecked on the rocks the next. Finding the balance between the two was the art and the salvation.” -- Elizabeth Berg

Life is unpredictable. It can be fickle, it can seem empty, it can feel full. No two days are the same. This life is temporal, and we're passing through. I like the above quote, touching on both joy and trial. Because in this world are both, and we can't live believing otherwise.

Enter the hope of Christ. In the gratitude and in the rocks, whether we feel it or not, there is hope to be had. And we can have it TODAY.

10 things that help me hope today:

1. The special love of my husband, when I'm perky or when I'm down.

2. Stomach hurting laughter at silly things

3. Driving into the sunrise to get to work

4. A boss who genuinely wishes you better when you feel sick

5. Being asked to draw for a project at work

6. A touching handwritten response from a wise elderly mentor

7. New, lovely friendships blooming

8. Brainstorming gifts to give family for birthdays

9. Sprinkling extra cinnamon on already apple cinnamon-y muffins

10. Throwback tunes via Pandora to perk up any mood

{see List of Ten #1 here}

Survival to Revival

My mom and I went to a local church to hear this year's Women of Faith event simulcasted. So much truth, so much inspiration. Surrounded by women who can relate on pretty much any level, worshipping God together, listening to His Word being taught together. There's nothing like concentrated time like that to refresh your soul. And it was fun to go with my mom, because we got have a sleepover Friday night. :)

I'd like to share my takeaways from each speaker... maybe they can ignite your heart toward God like they did mine.

SHEILA WALSH

I am not the good news, Jesus is. She touched on the amount of baggage we, as women, carry around all day every day, and she said "If the weight you carry could be made visible in this room, you probably wouldn't want to claim it, would you? And you certainly wouldn't want to take it home with you." We would enjoy this journey a whole lot more if our bags weren't so heavy -- Jesus tells me to hand all that over to Him (Matthew 11:28), that He can carry it, and lighten my load. Why hold onto it when He's asking me for it? He wants to carry it for me. I'm saying to myself, GIRL, take Him at His word! Trust Him!

PATSY CLAIRMONT

One of the spunkiest women I have ever met (via video). She was hilarious, gracious, bold, with a confidence that can only come from years of living life in relationship with Jesus. She talked a lot about God's new mercies He gives every day, and how when God gives us something He expects us to do something with it -- in her words "splash some of your mercy onto other people."



PETE WILSON

He challenged everyone to ask themselves "what would you do if you were confident that God would be with you?" In other words, do you put your faith in circumstances that you see, or in God's identity that never changes, that's always good and faithful? He also made a cool statement about faith, after sharing that some people think because they have some level of unbelief that must mean they can't have faith... in response he said: Faith is having belief AND disbelief, but choosing to act on the belief. 

CHRISTINE CAINE

The sassy Australian founder of one of the organizations I'm most passionate about, the A21 Campaign. She always recharges my soul, reaching deep down into any kind of doubt and throwing God's truth on it, dispelling all room for doubt. "Greater is what Jesus has done for you than what has been done to you." What our souls are continually searching for is what we were created for: God's purpose and pleasure, an active relationship with Him. She also reminded us what I feel I continually forget: It is for FREEDOM that we have been set free. That is our inheritance, that is our destiny. She related us to the Israelites after they were delivered from Egypt... in the wilderness they were delivered, but they were not yet entirely free. How often do we circle the same mountains, the same struggles and challenges and problems, because we do not believe and embrace that Jesus died for us that we may live in freedom? How often do we put ourself in our own shackles, walking around like we're sucking lemons, instead of having a resurrected Savior gleam in our eye? Joy, freedom, bravery... life abundant. 

LYSA TERKEURST

I had never heard Lysa speak before, but I've read a couple of her books, and admire her. She taught out of 2 Samuel, charging us to be wise women. One of her statements was this: "Go where wisdom gathers, not where it scatters." She also challenged our faith, saying that oftentimes God just wants us to bring as much willingness as we can muster, and He'll meet us where we are.

The conference theme thread was "survival to revival." Not merely surviving as women of God but claiming His promises for our own, reviving our own hearts and those around us for His purposes.

My soul feels light.

How great Thou art. 

Fresh Start: Over Two Hurdles

Comparison. If you're a woman you have encountered this animal in some form.

Comparison is competition. It's a desire for identity, but it's a false identity. Putting forth a veneer of yourself that isn't true. A disordered desire for approval. And it always leads to discontentment and insecurity and jealousy. I can vouch for that.

I’ll be honest. I compare myself and have on countless occasions allowed my soul to fall prey to all that comparison brings. But I’m fighting against it. Nothing good comes from it.

"Whatever I deem to be most important about myself is what I check out in others." That caused some movement in my gut -- conviction -- because when I looked at what I envy, or places I find myself insecure, it was shallow. Not at all cultivating the depth and richness that a relationship with God can hold. Not at all helping me be a woman who genuinely loves people and championships the achievements of others, or a wife who glorifies God and serves her husband well by being an active and present helpmate. Man... Grace beckons.

Then there is comparison's buddy: perfectionism. Of this I am a poster child. I like to disguise this in my mind as "hard worker," or "passionate." But it's not.

Perfectionism. The disordered desire for righteousness apart from Christ. Becoming fixated on performance, steadily comparing and measuring yourself up against those around you, or an expectation you've created in your own mind.

But when that perfectionism is not reached, we're left paralyzed! I know I've felt this way, but what kind of life is that? Not the one I believe God desires for me -- or you.

So I fight it.

I fight it because this question hits me square in the eyes, an arrow of truth to the heart: "How could you ever be happy, if everything has to be perfect? How could you rest? How would you have peace? How could you ever see yourself as lovely?" via

So where's the line to walk? Confession. Repentance. Constantly.

A breathed prayer for Truth to reign entirely.

And in moments when I blow it, or when I feel discouraged because the battle to believe God is tiring, I have a beautiful opportunity to marvel at the Gospel. To marvel that I didn't surprise God. I have a chance to slow down and rest in, "He calls me holy. He calls me blameless. Even in this he delights in me."

Praise God.

>> photo

Love & Grace

Feeling grateful this November morning. He is my best friend and the sweetest man I know. Still amazed that I can love someone so much and still find new reasons to love him every day. The head of our household and the protector of our family. I'm blessed to be married to him.

Marriage, I find, is seemingly a constant revealer of self. How I react and respond to a moment is a quick indicator of my heart. My sinful, by nature, heart.

That can be difficult, when my husband gets hurt by my sinful nature -- it causes my stomach to churn. The other day it dawned on me how quick I become offended, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. But, His Spirit graciously breathed a reminder, Love is not easily offended. And because I hope in and am covered by Christ's perfection and not my own, I didn't get bogged down. I was convicted. I was charged, I was challenged. And because of grace I confess, repent, seek forgiveness, and grow in Christ's way of love as best as my handicapped human heart can grow. 

"The man and the woman were created unique by God, both in the image of God, equal in dignity, value, and worth, but they have been meant to complement one another, not compete against one another. The weaknesses of the one are strengthened by the strengths of the other, and the strengths of the other one are made even stronger by the strengths of the other." Matt Chandler

Wrap It or Frame It

Loving to draw and letter, I always find myself slightly drooling at anything with a hand-drawn aesthetic. My newest discovery? This charming wrapping paper.

Kelly Thompson, a Texan designer/illustrator based in Seattle, has combined her southern spice and northwestern quirkiness into a wide range of noteworthy work -- and I think it's quite fabulous.

Seeing God This November

Happy November! One of the most wonderful months on the entire calendar. I'm so glad this month is here. It is certainly not the only time we should be thankful. Through Jesus, God made a way for us to know Him, spend eternity with Him, experience His grace and unconditional love, His hope and guidance and provision. Because of that we live life out of a grateful heart.

But there's something about November -- this season of every year, that causes my frail, human heart to overflow with thanksgiving.

I have read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts twice - both times in college. Her words have continually challenged me and my perspective on daily life.

"Faith is always a way of seeing, a seeking for God in everything. And if the eyes gaze long enough to see God lifted in a thing, how can the lips not offer eucharisteo? The truly saved have eyes of faith and lips of thanks. Faith is in the gaze of the soul."

Faith is an acknowledge that God means what He says. Faith is a way of life. Real faith, not saying I trust and then live in doubt and insecurity. Real faith is life-changing, heart-changing. Being thankful is lifting God to a place of honor and glory and goodness. Lips that praise a God who deserves it every second of every day.

"Living in His presence is fullness of joy--and seeing shows the way in. The art of deep seeing makes gratitude possible. And it is the art of gratitude that makes joy possible. Isn't joy the art of God?"

My prayer for this month is that I develop a soul that truly sees God. Because when I see Him for who He truly is, not through glasses colored with pride or self-doubt or confusion, all my life will want to do is sing with gratitude. And I want that for my every day. I want that everyone's everyday!

Fresh Start: A Quest For Margin

When margin is talked about, the conversation tends to stay on what/how to get rid of particular things in your life, but rarely is there talk on how to decide what stays.  I think that is one of the main parts of determining whether we keep margin once we have it. It’s so easy to keep adding when things seem calm or less chaotic.

With the holiday season about to begin, and 2014 coming to a close, I thought it would be a great time to talk about a few questions that might be helpful to ask ourself before we make any commitments for ourself, family, friends, etc. 

1. Is this something I am passionate about? Is it part of my core mission or purpose? (If you've never thought about your purpose or mission, maybe it's something to ask God to help you discover or decide.) I am passionate about reading, writing and lettering, which I didn't do much of in October, or September! I miss it. And those are things that I gain life, joy, and healthy pleasure from.

Or a different kind of example: I've become very fond of baking breads. And it's something I think I'd like to implement into my weeks during the holiday season - something to share with friends and neighbors.

2. What obstacles will make this a challenge each week/month/year? Weekly activity overload, over-planning so that events even overlap. That kind of lifestyle rarely leaves room for an unhurried hour for reading or lettering.

It takes time and money to bake bread. Time spent in the grocery store, time prepping and baking. How will I utilize and plan out that time, making sure it doesn't compromise other more important things?

3. What things can I do to be efficient with this new commitment? I'm the queen of putting on a movie or tv show while I'm cleaning or piddling around the house, but that often slows down the process; instead, I could clean without the tv on, with the hope of leaving space for a little writing.

Or maybe I can plan out recipes and ingredient lists in advance, and know when I'd like to bake them (Saturday mornings, or Sunday afternoons, when not much is going on).

4. Is there a chance that the size of the commitment will change or am I underestimating the commitment?

5. Is this something God wants me to be a part of? The reading, writing, and lettering I think He does want me to be a part of. Those are places I find rest, peace, joy; they give life. And they are places I discover and see and experience Him. The baking can be a way to serve my neighbors, to be generous and kind and thoughtful.

Praying about even little decisions is always important. J and I spent some time in prayer this morning, "God, we invite you into our moments, our decisions, our conversations." We can ask God for wisdom, discernment... in the small choices as well as the big ones. We can pray for peace when we walk in His way, or pray He would stir our hearts if we have made the wrong decision.

Answering these things immediately before we even commit will help give us an accurate gauge for how something will alter our daily life balance. Asking these questions give us an opportunity to be intentional with our time, our energy, our resources without feeling exhausted or stretched too thin.

I underestimate the value of asking questions like this before I commit to something, but I'm learning how important it can be -- to my life as well as my husband's life.

Have you ever been in a season like this?

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Dinner Party Cheat Sheet

I am so smitten with this “How to set a table” print by Cake with Giants! The watercolor and pencil illustration has such a charming quality to it, and makes the perfect cheat sheet for a classy, cool dinner party.

Pumpkin Bread Time

I've been holding out on the Fall goods because it's been almost 80 degrees in the afternoons, but when I left work yesterday I had an itch for pumpkin bread. I should be honest and say the urge was probably propelled by all the mouth-watering Fall desserts popping up all over Pinterest, but hey. I found this recipe and decided on this one because it wasn't 100% indulgent. :)

Ingredients

• one 15 ounce can pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)


• 3 large eggs


• 2 cups sugar


• 3/4 cup plain Greek yogurt


• 3/4 cup water


• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract


• 2 cups whole wheat flour


• 1 and 1/2 cups all-purpose flour


• 2 teaspoons baking soda


• 1 teaspoon baking powder


• 1 teaspoon salt


• 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice (simple All-Spice can also be used)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Spray two large loaf pans with nonstick baking spray. In a large bowl, combine pumpkin, eggs, sugar, yogurt, water and vanilla. Whisk until combined.


2. In a medium bowl, combine remaining ingredients. Add these dry ingredients to the pumpkin mixture and stir until combined but do not over mix.


3. Split the batter between the two loaf pans and bake for 1 hour to 1 hour and 15 minutes depending on the size of your loaf pans -- mine are extra long so it only took an hour. A toothpick or a knife inserted in the middle should come out clean when the bread is done baking.


4. Let cool 10-15 minutes in pans before removing to a wire rack to cool completely....

then happily enjoy!

Fresh Start: Freedom to Choose

Only I can teach others how they can and cannot treat me.

Interesting statement, isn't it? But when it sinks in, it makes a good deal of sense.

Like many other women, I have stories of mean girl dealings. The only season that left a major mark on my growing up was in 7th grade. The whole year there was this girl who, if I'm being honest, was ruthless. Purely for her own satisfaction, because I (much like I am now) am far from confrontational or dramatic. Thankfully, my mom and I had a close relationship and when I told her about these happenings, she gave me advice I will never forget: in situations like that, the bully wants the satisfaction of knowing they get under your skin, offend you, hurt you, tear you down, shake you... if you don't give them that, don't show them that, they'll stop (or at least be shocked, and later get bored).  

As I've grown older and matured relationally, that advice is still relevant, but now has an added element: I can't control someone else's behavior, but I can control how I respond. I can also determine how those behaviors will impact or not impact my life. I teach them how they can and cannot treat me based on what I allow them to do, and often that comes from what I believe about myself.

I have the freedom to choose.

I have the Holy Spirit inside me to guide me in speech and action.

I have the wisdom to define myself by who God has made me to be - not by the things people say, think, or believe about me. Someone once told me that I owe it to myself to take care of myself as much as God loves me.

I often forget to look at it in this light, but I think it's important to remember. I'm not loving someone by letting them bully me. I'm not really loving someone by letting them speak down to me. It can get a little distorted, but respecting myself enough, as one beloved by God, to stand up for my soul, to choose grace or a higher road... I think that is fine and good.

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"Stop sleeping with liars."

On nights when I'm in a funk, I crave inspiration. Motivation to a new perspective, away from myself. Here are the places I landed...

"Accepting yourself will prove to be one of the biggest journeys of this lifetime. Pack the bags. Bring the toothbrush. March for the door and go. That journey is worth taking.

We make choices every single day. That’s what we do. Life is just a stacking of yes and no questions. Yes, I want this. No, I don’t. Yes, this is worth it. No, it isn’t. And each choice takes us farther and farther from away from the person we did not end up becoming. You make the choices though. And you get to pick the person who will stand in the rear view mirror. You get to decide if you’ll miss that person you didn’t become or not."

Hannah Brencher, in a life manifesto here.

A new project driven by Christine Caine, Propel.

“Renounce all self-reliance, self-exaltation, and self-rule, and find your calm, quiet, deep soul-contentment in God.”

John Piper, here.

Sweet potato spice bites? Yes. (Sorry, stomach's growling.)

A playlist to keep your Fall going strong.

Even if you aren't in a funk, maybe these can perk up your Tuesday night.

Halloween Muddy Buddy Mix

I embarked on this adventure on a spontaneous whim this morning, and it was just that, an adventure. My man has a good sized sweet tooth, and he loves candy corn AND muddy buddy mix. Naturally this seemed an obvious snack to make for my man, an edible extension of love. He went hunting, I went for ingredients.





Sticky, messy ingredients, guys. It you could've seen me you would've chuckled, but it was fun to make, and made me feel super festive.

Ingredients:

9 cups Corn or Rice Chex Cereal

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1/4 cup butter

1/2 cup peanut butter

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

1 1/2 cups candy corn

1 1/2 cups Reese’s Pieces

2 cups pretzels (can be the minis, regular, sticks)

Directions:

1. Pour Chex Cereal in a large bowl and set aside.

2. In a microwave safe bowl melt chocolate chips, butter and peanut butter together on high for one minute. Stir and return to microwave, microwaving in 30 second increments until melted together and smooth. Stir in vanilla.

3. Pour chocolate-peanut butter mixture over the cereal and gently stir to coat.  I like to put on a pair of kitchen gloves and use my hands to toss the cereal in the chocolate so I don’t crush it.  Place cereal in a large zip lock bag, pour powdered sugar in, seal and shake until evenly coated.

4. Spread cereal out on to wax paper and let cool completely.

5. In a large bowl combine cereal, candy corn, Reese’s Pieces, and pretzels.  Store in an air-tight container.

It could be the hit of the party! Good luck, have fun getting messy :)

Fresh Start: Less But Far More

To me, sometimes a fresh start can be the same as a clean room and organized schedule. Other times, it takes a little more effort and thought.

My intention with this self-challenge is to inspire and make room for the most important things in my life. J and I have been married for two months but still (obviously) learning life together - we'll always be learning. That means devoting intentional time together, being mindful of words, behavior, and how we spend our resources.

We all have goals, to get more organized, feel inspired, eat healthier, read more. BUT we also want a less complicated and burdened life! They seem to make the perfect oxymoron. With October almost over, that means two months until the end of 2014.

There's a quote from Jesus Calling that inspires and challenges this series.

“How much better is it to walk close to Me, depending on My strength and trusting Me in every situation. If you live in this way, you will do less but accomplish far more. Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush-crazed age. Some people may deem you lazy, but many more will be blessed by your peacefulness. Walk in the Light with Me, and you will reflect Me to the watching world.”

It’s not about adding more to do our to do list, but freeing up our lives of things that simply aren’t as important for what is important. I hope each post that comes out of this self-challenge inspires you in some small way to accomplish your goals or simplify things to make an unhurried life.

Here's to a fresh start....

Kielbasa, Peppers, Onions, and Potatoes

I've got until the end of October on this paleo kick, and my husband has dubbed me the best recipe finder in our little world. We made this the other night and it was delicious, and pretty simple.

I am the queen of "one pan/pot meals." You know the kind, heat up one big skillet, and chop and throw as you go. Before long, the meal is complete with flavorful ease. Granted, for time's sake, this one needed a small skillet to heat up the kielbasa.

This particular meal came together in about 15 minutes, with both of us chopping and heating. With only four main ingredients, it's quite perfect for busy nghts or those when you don't want to spend an hour in the kitchen. I like using the turkey sausage because it's less greasy, so I'll admit I plan to stay on alert for when it goes on sale.

Ingredients:

• 1 (14 ounce) package turkey kielbasa, cut into 1/4 inch rounds


• 1 green bell pepper, diced


• 1/2 yellow, red or orange bell pepper, diced


• 1 onion, diced


• 3 small or 2 large potatoes, peeled and diced


• olive oil


• salt and pepper

Directions:

1. In a big skillet (we used our wok), heat 2 tbsp of olive oil over medium-high heat.  Add the potatoes to the skillet and season with salt and pepper. Fry until golden brown and cooked through, around 8-10 minutes, stirring a few times to ensure even browning.


2. In a separate skillet, brown the sliced kielbasa for around 5 minutes in 1 tbsp of olive oil over medium high heat.  Leave the kielbasa in the pan until ready to add to main skillet.  Add the peppers and onions to the potato skillet and season with a pinch of salt and pepper.  Cook for 5 minutes, or until softened, stirring occasionally.


3. Add the kielbasa to the main skillet and mix everything together.  Serve nice and hot!

It had been a pretty, cooler day so we filled deep bowls and ate outside. Enjoy!

What I've Learned... from the first two months of marriage.

Two months married! It feels short and long all at once. I love living with another person who loves me like J does. There are great calls in marriage, expectations given by God -- love even when the other is unlovable, serve out of humility, etc -- but it's also simply fun.

In these two short months we've been married, I've observed many things, about God's desire for the institution itself, but also about myself. (Hallelujah grace.)

• Always believe the best -- good intentions.


• Before you respond, take a breath. Slow to speak, quick to listen.


• It's vital to daily ask God to lead my heart to love deeply, wide open.


• Make it a point to slow down at some point of the day/night, to reflect on how I'm blessed.


• Be intentional in asking questions about my husband's day, what's happening in his heart and mind.


• Celebrate the tiny moments, i.e. dance in the kitchen. Choose joy. It's important.


• Flirt, and have fun doing it.


• A short term memory and a forgiving heart can change the course of an entire day.

I love the man with my whole heart, but I know it's only two-months-married-deep. We've got a lot of life to go, but I wouldn't want to be in the trenches with anyone else. Thankful for who he is.

A Good Read: Unglued

I actually read Unglued a couple months ago, but it is still having influence in my life. The premise of the book is about making wise decisions in the midst of raw emotion. Now, I am quite the emotional person. I won't cry at a kitten, but I am extremely passionate -- about God, about people, about life, about love -- therefore, emotion. And lots of it.

"I may not be gentle by nature but I can be gentle by obedience."

HELLO. I can be quick to assume hurtful intention. Quick to take offense. Quick to react out of hurt feelings. I am not a terribly confrontational being, I often absorb and then communicate. And in those moments, I'm almost always not very gentle. Not having much faith.

“Feelings are indicators, not dictators. They can indicate where your heart is in the moment, but that doesn't mean they have the right to dictate your behavior and boss you around. You are more than the sum total of your feelings and perfectly capable of that little gift . . . called self-control.”

Now that is something I should probably preach to myself every day. I think this is a vital truth for all relationships, but especially marriage. God gives me the choice to choose. I can choose gentleness, kindness, joy, love, humility -- even when it seems ridiculous. Why? Because I hope. And I trust that God is Sovereign. I trust that He cares for me, that He wants the best for me, that He is working in every detail. Because of this I can have self control in situations where it seems impossible. I can have self control (choose openness) when I want to be quiet out of hurt, when I want to short because I'm disappointed, when I want to be unkind because I'm offended.

“It is beautiful when the Master chisels. God doesn’t allow the unglued moments of our lives to happen so we’ll label ourselves and stay stuck. He allows the unglued moments to make us aware of the chiseling that needs to be done.”

Thankful for gracious chiseling. God is not harsh when He chisels. He chisels away at my sinful nature because He loves me. He is my biggest cheerleader, and because of Jesus He is always pleased with me. So pleased He wants me to be the best Chelsea I can be, reflecting Him... so He chisels.

And how do I let Him? Ask for the Holy Spirit's help to be obedience, to know God's ways, to trust His promises.

Hope

Hope used to be simply a Christian buzz word to me. Faith, hope, love. You know, you see it on everything from a yard decoration to a coffee cup. It was a fluff word, another word for Christians to toss around regardless of whether they believe It wasn't until recently that hope became real to me. It wasn't until recently that I began to understand what hope truly is.

Hope is a sign of Christian maturity, not youthful naivety. "Suffering produces endurance..endurance produces character.. character produces hope." (Romans 5)

"Having hope in God means no one else finishes the story but Him, and everything really will be okay. We do not need to fear optimism. Life will still hurt and there is darkness ahead — but we have a Healer, a Counselor, a King, a Father, a Friend. We can get our hopes up: all the way up to Him." J.S.

This might not be news to you, but the gravity of that word - hope - was news to me. Great news!

1. Hope is the desire for something good in the future.

2. Hope is the good thing in the future that we are desiring.

3. Hope is the reason why our hope might indeed come to pass.

Usually, when I express hope, it's in uncertainty. But... biblical hope is not just a desire for something good in the future, but rather, a confident expectation and desire for something good in the future. 

To use the words of William Carey, ‘Expect great things from God.”

"Hope is something that should not waver, because it is rooted in the faithfulness of God. There should be moral certainty in it because the will and purpose of God are like iron, not chalk." John Piper

Something I realize is that there is no fight more urgent than keeping hope alive and well and hot.

Who knew? What I thought was simply a Christian buzz word held such power.

"Human beings are absolutely hope-shaped creatures. The way you live now is completely controlled by what you believe about your future." Timothy Keller

It requires an active, fighting hope in God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed and disciplined existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people.. believing God in the midst of self-doubt, worries of this world, choosing joy always, loving freely... by hoping.

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October Weekends

Fall weekends are some of the best. Campouts at the family cabin, pancakes around the campfire, a fun + fancy wedding with friends and family, afternoon apple picking with my only niece and two sweet nephews.

I can overthink everything and find a million ways to doubt myself. But I've come to realize that we’re only here briefly. And while I’m here, I want to allow myself joy. To remember that life is not about me. To live in the beauty of simplicity. In Christ. 

Flourishing Friendships

Best friends. Everyone desires one. We want soul sisters or brothers from other mothers and “Married to my best friend” is a popular decorative on social media bios. Oh, to have that one person - or handful of people - to whom you can eternally spill the deepest longings of your heart and soul! There’s no doubt that companionship is a fundamental part of life. Life is founded on relationships.

In our culture today, I think many have a inaccurate perspective on what deep friendship truly means. Somewhere along the way it's possible to lose sight of crucial elements that make up a best friend.

Sometimes we don't prioritize honesty. Often we choose friendship over truth. We value being included and accepted so we stay quiet and let issues pass. Being a person of conviction and encouraging your friends to be the same is the best thing you can do as a friend. I know a friendship is true and real if I can be my most honest self, honest and passionate, and the other person listen. I personally believe it's a mark of real care to say (in love) the hard truths.

I've always thought friendship meant an unconditional, steadfast love that accepts every person for exactly who they are. But as I grow up, I realize that a true friend is someone who gently and firmly drives her friends forward to the best they can be. This kind of friend encourages to right the wrongs and do things that grow them, even when it's tough or uncomfortable.

“A true friend freely advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues as a friend unchangeably.” –William Penn

True friendship encourages positivity. 

True friendship tells the truth. 

True friendship commends when it is deserved and confronts when it is necessary. 

I have a number of flourishing friendships in my life, a wonderful gift from the Lord. Some stood beside me as I got married. Others come and go but each make a special impact on the woman I am today.

{post inspired by darling mag}

A Big Realization

Recently I've found myself faced with this question: Am I loving Jesus, or am I more focused on how I'm growing, changing, "maturing in my faith," etc?

If you're anything like me, you may look at that question and say, Are those things different? 

That's where I've been, and I think I've been there my whole life: not really distinguishing those two things -- those two ideas were relatively equal.

If I feel I've grown spiritually from last year to this year, doesn't that mean I love Jesus better? If I know more of my Bible, doesn't that mean I'm loving Jesus more? If I choose this or that, doesn't that mean I treasure Jesus more?

Perhaps.

But, again, if you're anything like me, the second part of the original question -- focus on the growing, changing, maturing -- has stealthily formed itself into a sort of pride. By comparing myself to someone else's spiritual growth as a measure of my own, I'm hardly thinking of Jesus. When I feel guilty over not knowing more of the Bible, or calling it to memory easily when needed, I'm hardly thinking of Jesus. What I make a wise choice, and give myself a pat on the back... or when I make a poor choice, and throw myself into a pit of discouragement, I'm hardly thinking of Jesus.

Wow, right? Yeah, it struck me with a powerful force.

I realized. I confessed. I apologized. I asked for forgiveness. And then I truly saw myself....

A sinner. Broken, hopeless, selfish, prideful. I make choices everyday that offend and hurt God. I don't love well every second of the day. I am not always generous. But God...

But God!

At the cross of Jesus Christ I find a sacrifice sufficient to cover all my sins, past and present and future, and a righteousness sufficient to replace all of my unrighteousness. So when I come to God, I come not in my own righteousness but in the righteousness of Christ; and I come not with my own sins, but with those sins having been forgiven by Jesus Christ. Glory.

It's easy to get caught up in the analyzation of my actions, and I realize my motive for doing this was because I was trying to make my own good. Focusing on my growth/righteousness and not the Lord in His greatness, holiness, mercy, unconditional love.

On my best, most loving, most generous, most God-honoring day, I am still a sinner. That will never change until I'm in eternity with Him. But, because of Jesus, here on this earth I can love Him just as I am. With my handicapped heart, never-going-to-be-perfect self. Hello, freedom. So I continually ask myself, am I loving Jesus in this? Because He saves me, and loves me. I believe it with all of my grateful heart. 

Praying this truth's roots grow deep.

{Inspiring word from Matt Chandler on similar subject.}

Dear Photograph

I recently discovered Dear Photograph. A super sweet photoblog in which users “take a picture of a picture from the past in the present,” resulting in little time portals that make me want to dig out my childhood photo albums immediately. If I had all the time and resources in the world I'd retrace my steps for some of my favorite photos and do this. Wouldn't you?