This Vessel Needs Rest

Fall might be my favorite season. Amidst crazed weekends centered around football, and all the festivals that seem to break out, and school getting busy, for me, it still seems like time slows in the Fall. It's wonderful.

I'm in an interesting place. One of Bible-diving, Holy Spirit-asking, wisdom-seeking, inward and upward-looking moments. Finding a balance between caring too much and caring too little. A battle of my heart's focus -- is it me? or is it God?

I'm the woman who analyzes motivations. I overthink my intention for doing something. Everything. This can be helpful, in terms of conviction and will and self control and the like... but is a stumbling block when it comes to resting, trusting, freedom, believing Grace.

J encouraged me to create my own "goals/boundaries." Take fitness and eating: I analyze every choice, usually resulting in guilt, comparison, or a pat on my own back. (Both are not okay. One is a complainer, the other is a campaigner. That's for another conversation). Instead, I can say,

I'm going to exercise 4-6 times a week. If it's three one week, "Hey, I want to try and make more time for that next week." If it's 6, "Sweet!" And with food...

I'm going to give myself three meals as freebie meals, whatever I want to eat. I guarantee Chick-fil-A breakfast will become a weekly occurrence. :) The other nights I'm going to do my best to eat more intentionally, cleaner.

Or social media. If my goal/intent is to share bits and pieces of my life with close friends I don't see often, and I know they keep up with my photos, it doesn't matter how many I post! I can freely share however much I want, and the people who are bothered by it can unfollow me. Right?

My truest intent for my activity on social media is creative expression, and story-telling.

To be sometimes inspired by lovely, God-fearing, strong women on Twitter. Expressing my passion for capturing moments on Instagram. Keeping up with across state friends on Facebook. If I ever feel like I am out of that circle, then maybe I need to ask myself some questions.

In J's words, it broadens the scope, so you don't feel like you have to analyze every single small choice, but can look at it in a different light.  It welcomes a certain kind of freedom into life. It will limit the amount of moments I find myself comparing myself to others, because I met the goal I wanted to reach, and it was/is enough. The thought-energy and focus that would otherwise be turning wheels in overanalyzation can be used in other, more life-giving areas. Hallelujah! I think it's a cool idea, and am currently brainstorming and asking the Lord for wisdom on how to implement it into my life.

"If the vessel of our soul is still being tossed by winds or storms, we should wake the Lord who has been resting with us all along, and He will swiftly calm the sea." Brother Lawrence

October, I'm back!

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty smitten about the fall season. 

The month of September was a good one. Full of busy work days and new experiences with my husband.



This weekend has been a fun one, a great beginning to October. Birthday party for a family friend Friday night, Saturday adventures in south Georgia (where the above picture was taken) and then a good friend's wedding, and a nice Sunday today.

Still praying through my activity on social media, my place, what I want it to be -- but I do miss this space to document and share and write. So I'm back until further notice, posting whenever my heart fancies. I want this to be an atmosphere of inspiration and story-telling, not one of comparison and perfectionistic expectations.

PS - I love being married. It's super fun. 

September of Simplicity

I'm now a wife.

What an amazing thing!

The wedding and honeymoon were beyond wonderful. Such exciting days and moments; God is so good, so faithful.

J and I had a handful of conversations while we were on our trip, and I wanted to write of one in particular here on heartnatured.

So many changes and adjustments in this season of life, so much growing and learning. I want to be habitually open and cultivate a heart ready and prepared for all God has for me in this new role. I want to be aware of where my affections lie, where self often rears its head. I want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in his leading and guiding. I want to be clay in the Potter's hands, able to be worked and formed into the woman He desires me to continually be, the best wife and friend I can be.

I want the Lord to be my ultimate satisfaction, the ulimate filler of my heart and soul -- out of which will come the ability to be a strong, good, gentle, Spirit-filled wife and friend.

Thus, a month of simplicity. Scaling back on all social media platforms (minus one thing, that will be mentioned later). Learning discipline of mind and body, thus a simplified diet. Attentiveness to the difference between good/true pleasures and false ones. Not saying these things are false pleasures, I just know myself best, and eliminating that which distracts my heart is super helpful. 

On the way home from Asheville, we listened to a sermon by Ravi Zacharias on pleasure.

"Anything that refreshes you without distracting you or destroying the final goal you have set is a legitimate pleasure."

He makes these points...

1. Pleasure for pleasure's sake will leave you empty. It has to have a greater purpose than merely just enjoyment.

2. All pleasure comes at a cost. For the true pleasure you pay the price before you enjoy it, for the false pleasure you pay the price after you enjoy it.

3. The closer you draw to good pleasure, the closer you draw to the heart of God. The closer you go to false pleasure, the farther from the heart of God you go.

True, good pleasures vs. false pleasures. Clear eyes, pure heart vs. distorted desires and reality.

My heart of hearts wants to draw closer to God continually, every day.

Simplicity. Intimacy with God. Strong relationship with my husband and family and friends.

I'm on a mission to define true, good pleasures. To love that which heals, not what hurts. Maintaining the integrity of worship by worshipping the Lord, in the mundane and the great, in the easy and the difficult. The greatest pleasure.



So this month, I may write a couple of times, but that's it.

I will however be keeping up a "visual journal," as I've dubbed it. Because of my passion for creativity and expression and capturing moments, I want to keep this activity going, because I truly enjoy it.

Forever loves

These people. So wonderful, for all my life, but especially these past few months. They have been inexpressibly helpful, and have done so much for me.

Encouraging embraces, wise counsel, running errands, completing tasks, making appointments, etc. I can't even count all the ways they have been gracious and fantastic during this busy season of my life.

Family is forever. Whether made up of good relationships, stressful, bad, intense -- family is forever.

For me, our four person unit is a rock, a safe place, an atmosphere for honesty and vulnerability, for help and growth.  Leaving and cleaving is a good, rich part of life, but this will always be my foundation, no matter how old or how far I go. And for that I'm thankful, that it was these specific human beings.

Legacy, learning the ways of life and love, being about to develop strong wings.

I am who I am because of these people, growing up with them, around them, being taught and impacted by their choices. Blessings. Lessons. Growth from trials.  Sharpening from conflict.

Fills me with joy when I reflect on this unit, and it breathes life and strength into my future steps.

I'm excited to celebrate my wedding day with them by my side.

An Unprofessional Photographer.

Photography is a craft unlike any other, and there are no limits to its virtuosity. Through selective composition, ordinary objects can become a photographer’s key to form and abstraction, exposure and lighting can illuminate mood and feeling, and ultimately, even the subject itself may guide the story within the frame. The photographs in this week’s selects are prime examples of how people deliberately reveal ingenuity and beauty, no matter what a scene may hold. It takes courage to search for and capture honest moments. A photographer’s intentions, obsessions, and convictions remain on permanent display through the images he or she captures. Playful images reveal a photographer’s aptitude for joy, beautiful scenes expose a photographer’s openness to surroundings, and profound images speak to a photographer’s poetic propensity. Sometimes it may seem frightening how personal and intimate photography can be; in the same way, photography holds no limits, because its power is held in the beautiful complexity that each and every one of us embodies. Bill Brandt, the renowned 20th century photographer whose aberrant style was all his own, alluded to the bounds of photography by saying, “Photography is not a sport. It has no rules. Everything must be dared and tried!” VSCO

I am an unprofressional photographer. I do have a cool camera with all the bells and whistles, because my parents sweetly gifted it to me one Christmas. I'm the family member designated to take photos. I'm the girl who sees the world differently -- that which others find trivial, boring, and uneventful inspire me since I have the opportunity to capture them. Technology today -- iPhone cameras and the ability to share photos almost instantly -- I am borderline obsessed.

In the age of Instagram it's easy to fall into a trap of "photography insecurity." This, in my definition, is not sharing a photograph or thought for fear it won't get that many 'likes.' Or deleting a photo after it's been up for a couple of hours, because it only received 11 likes. I have fallen into that trap before, and quickly became annoyed with myself.  If you've ever been there, friend, let me tell you this: post, share, document, photograph whatever fills you with joy. It's your space, do with it whatever you want. Ignore the number of likes you receive. Be careful to not allow that measure to hinder your desire to share what you see, moments you capture... your life. This full, abundant life God has given.

Hello, freedom. It's too wonderful.

I become genuinely excited over capturing an interaction, plant, winding path, piece of an old town. Sure, the exciting things as well, but especially the simple things.

"A good snapshot keeps a moment from running away." Eudora Welty

The beauty of Instagram is that if someone becomes annoyed with all my photo-sharing they can unfollow me. Right? Yes.

I am passionate about photography simply for the sake of photography -- capturing sweet and beautiful and fleeting moments. Leaving them raw or editing them to be even more unique that the moment itself.

Words are deep, and useful, powerful, and important... but a photograph just adds something extra.

Anyone else like me?

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