Current Read: Prayer

I'm sinking my teeth into this one. Richard Foster's Prayer, Finding the Heart's True Home.

To pray is to change. This is a great grace. How good of God to provide a path whereby our lives can be taken over by love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control.

I always thought that prayer was my most natural interaction with the Lord. Right before I left high school, I encountered something called intercessory prayer, and I had a teacher that walked with me and helped me grow in understanding of the activity. I stumbled upon Foster's book after reading his Celebration of Discipline, but never got around to reading it until now. Man, it is rich. And hard to put down.

The book is made up of three sections: Moving Inward, Moving Upward, Moving Outward. Each chapter breaks down a type of prayer, for example: Unceasing Prayer, The Prayer of Rest, Covenant Prayer, Prayer of the Forsaken, Meditative Prayer, etc.

I'm only halfway through the book and I've already written so much. On paper and on my heart.

One of my favorite parts of the entire book is how Foster opens it. He speaks of the heart of God being our home, Jesus being the door, and prayer being the key. Home, the place of deepest intimacy, where we know and are known to the fullest. 

He paints this great mental picture of us coming home. To the living room of God's heart, the kitchen of his friendship, the dining room of his strength, the study of his wisdom, the workship of his creativity, the bedroom of his rest.

There is no mode of life in the world more pleasing and more full of delight than continual conversation with God. Brother Lawrence

He refers to prayer as "making God the companion of my conversations."

I love this idea of coming home to the heart of God by means of communication with Him. Whether it's a formation prayer, reading from a book, or a breathe prayer that escapes while I'm driving or hiking.

Sometimes I get hung up on my motives... whether they are true or genuine. He dealt with this also, and spoke to it...

This side of eternity we will never unravel the good from the bad, the pure from the impure. But what I have come to see is that God is big enough to receive us with all our mixture. We do not have to be bright, or pure, or filled with faith, or anything. That is what grace means, and not only are we saved by grace, we live by it as well. And pray by it.

Grace. Coming with empty and open hands.

Coming home.

Reclaiming Your Sense Of Play

Summer. Warm weather nights to stay up late, lazy mornings with the freedom to decide how you wanted to spend the day.

I am in the middle of my second week at my new job. Full-time, 9-5, the real deal. And I like it! Granted, it's only the second week, but I've been trying to also still enjoy summer while settling in to this new chapter of my life. This different kind of chapter, different than what I've been accustomed to up until this point.

So I find time to play. And in that time I am all there. I am intentional, I soak it up, I enjoy it. I let it energize me.

A carefree sense of wonder and fun and enjoyment, like when I was a child.

As I graduated from college and entered the career world, society was preaching a loud message: "Time to stop goofing off! Get serious with your life. This is about to change everything. You'll wish you could be back in school." I was encountering a call to abandon my childlike tendencies and start living up to culture’s ideals of success – chasing things like fame, status and wealth. But in all of that, the race to meet society's expecations? All I foresee is forgetting what I'm truly passionate about.

No one wants a life with no passion. In my opinion that would be like not desiring water, or delicious food.

I think passion is a fuel, a source of energy, a means of enjoying your work.

Thomas Merton once wrote it is, in fact, quite regrettable to get too caught up in our work and responsibilities: “What is serious to men is often trivial in the eyes of God; what in God might appear to us as ‘play’ is perhaps what He himself takes most seriously.”

There is so much value in learning to embrace our inner child and reclaiming a sense of play, even in the ebbs and flows of career life. It might feel silly at first, but pursuing the things that made us come alive as children and having fun for the sake of having fun actually allows us to better connect with both what is in us and what is around us.

Looking at the seemingly mundane and (sometimes) tiresome routine of work life through the perspective of a child reminds us to be present in the moment and to simply celebrate life as it is, rather than getting caught up in how we wish it was. Household tasks? Put on your favorite music and dance around the house. Cooking? Pretend you're on a cooking show with 100 active viewers. For me, looking at a computer screen for 8 hours a day can feel smothering, and draining. But, I can converse with the other designers around me, tell stories, and make the office a lively place to be!

I'm an early bird, so early in the morning I go exercise, or take group classes. I meet people and work out any tension or stress I may be carrying. The 30 minute car ride to and from work is either a time to pray and spend time with the Lord, or it's a dance party.

The point is we have been given the freedom and responsibility to choose.

My encouragement in this post, for myself, and for whoever else reads it is to pursure your passions! Try to implement them into your daily interactions. Reclaim a sense of play!  Be intentional to not go through the motions and settle for a life that only feels like a rat race.

“A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.” Roald Dahl

Love + Conflict

"Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first. But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart. Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems."

Last night was our second premarital counseling session. Topic: handling conflict.

I'll go ahead and say I've genuinely enjoyed this part of getting married. Sharing hearts, processing tendencies, learning how to love... I think it's rich.

Sometimes an approach to hard conversations can be a fearful one. Whether small or large, all human beings carry a level of fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of disappointing others, fear of not being perfect, fear of judgement.

But, a challenge...

"Have enough courage to love." Maya Angelou

Love is what unites people. J's love for me, and mine for him, strengthened and guided by our love for God.... that will always be common ground for us to stand on. When conflicts arise, within our marriage or externally, however far the pendulum seems to swing, our love will be common ground. A desire to honor God with our marriage will always be common ground.

When we choose and remember love, we stay connected and maintain clarity of vision. When we choose love we deepen our growth and the growth of those around us because we’re not holding ourselves, or others, at arm’s length. Love over fear.

Observations from last night's meeting:

It's helpful to know yourself. Notice how you naturally respond when things upset or discourage or hurt you. Every human being is unique, and when two desire to be joined, it's helpful to be aware of your default response to conflict.

Know the other person. Believe in them with your whole heart, believe the best about them. See them. Listen to them. Knowing J's natural response is helpful in loving him well through conflict.

Find courage through trust. The more that J and I allow ourselves to be vulnerable with each other when we're hurting or disappointed, in a space continually giving love, the deeper our mutual trust will grow.

Take steps. Small actions create movements. I'm sure many things will hit us daily, but I never want us to feel burdened under the weight of needing to do it perfectly every single time. We will always be growing together, learning more, discovering new things, messing up, asking forgiveness. So we take steps. 

I find joy in learning how to love him best,  and I'm thankful for the person he is. 

photo via unsplash

spiritual perceiving

"Spiritual perceiving is the creation of a new taste in the soul. Before our conversion the honey of Christ tasted sour or bland and thus undesirable to our souls. Then, by grace, we were granted a new capacity for sweetness, and we tasted the honey of Christ for what it really is: sweet and desirable. This is the seeing that provides the enjoyment of Christ. The seeing and enjoying are inseparable. Indeed it appears that the enjoying is the seeing. Or as Jonathan Edwards says, the heart's seeing a person as lovely implies that the person is pleasant to the soul."

There is a difference between having a rational judgement that honey is sweet, and having a sense of its sweetness... So there is a different between believing that a person is beautiful, and having a sense of his beauty. The former may be obtained by hearsay, but the latter only by seeing the countenance... When the heart is sensible to the beauty and amiableness of a thing, it necessarily feels pleasure in the apprehension. It is implied in a person's being heartily sensible of the loveliness of a thing, that the idea of it is sweet and pleasant to this soul.  Jonathan Edwards, A Divine and Supernatural Light

The honey of Christ. Sometimes I take for granted the sweet, sweet gift that is simply the person of Jesus Christ. Have you ever thought of it that way? His sacrifice, his love, his patience, his majesty, his power, and personhood.. being sweet as honey. I love that.

Perceiving Christ in the truest sense comes from seeing him, so that becomes a prayer of my heart. To see Him.  Sweet and pleasant to my soul.

Just a pondering for this coming week!

photo via unsplash

pizza brings people together

This year my dad decided for dinner with his side of the family we'd make homemade pizzas! Oh, how I love the man. Pizza is one of my favorite food groups, a major indulgence for me.

Dad, in his nature, bought six batches of dough so we could make a variety of kinds.



Lots of people, lots of personalities, mingling together over the celebration of the fathers in our lives.









Two very special people in my life: fiance and sister. It makes me happy when they interact with each other, and I hope and pray they always have a good relationship.



And this is just the bottom oven... We sat around watching the World Cup anticipating those delicious carbs.

We had all kinds of toppings -- meats and vegetables and plenty of mozzerella cheese. Ohhhh yes.



A memorable one indeed.

Short Post on a Big Monday

Today.

- My first day at my first full-time job... no longer being a student, starting a career.

- Our first premarital counseling session.

After a great Father's Day celebrating my dad with family, and only a couple hours of sleep, by the time I got in the chair next to J for our session I was tired.

But praise the Lord for a gracious fiance and the freedom to be still and quiet.

This past year I've learned that it's okay to still. It's okay to not exert energy every minute of the day. It's okay to ponder and reflect, to observe by listening.

God is good, God is faithful.

I'm thankful for grace, and hope, and this life. 

Jesus-believing optimism

You have to wonder, what's the benefit of being anything but an optimist? It's insanely hard sometimes, but being pessimistic is terribly unhelpful.

Days seem the fly by, but failures and times of worry seem eternal.

"When we fixate on the worst in something, we render ourselves incapable of fixing anything. But attend to the good in something — and we act towards the best in everything." Ann Voskamp

Guys, faith is hard sometimes. Before this particular season of life -- preparing for marriage (and all that entails), figuring out how to be a wife, starting a full-time job -- it seemed easy to have faith. Sure, I have experienced trials like my perpetual foot injury or stressful semesters of design work, but still... it seemed easier to trust God's promises, His presence in my hard times.

But life is happening. And certain aspects of life that have surfaced leave me desperate for the Lord to be physically near me, in my sight, to fold me in an embrace. Trusting Him and handing over my fears and life to Him has become more real. I recently read it put this way, "I need a Savior, I need a hero and am forever grateful that my hope has a place to land." This is me.

The above quote from Ann Voskamp came from a post she wrote about optimism.

Because sometimes you can only be an optimist when you have a plan for the pessimist in you. So, you play out the law of Worst Case Scenario: What is the worst thing that could possibly happen?

And there aren’t any wolves, trouble, kids, hatred, debts, messes, betrayal, teenagers, disease, lack, hard times, untruths, diagnoses, or disappointment that can possibly separate you from the love of God. Nothing can separate you from Him.

So the Worst Case Senario? Is only the scenario of not wanting Christ the most.

So the Worst Case Scenario — is only a possible scenario if you want something more than Christ.

If you want Christ the most — there is no worst case scenario.

Live — and He’s using everything to shape you more into Christ and abundant life in Him.

Die — and you have eternal life in Him.

Abundant life versus eternal life — it’s impossible to lose!

You can’t lose.

When you have a plan in place for the worst — you never go to the place of worry.

And the plan for when all hell breaks lose is that Christ’s already broken the power of hell and to live is Christ and to die is gain, so the plan is always joy.

So... steps toward optimism.

What I've Learned... from my man

Our story is a special one, although I'm sure everyone would say that. Though we grew up in the same small town, and were involved in the same southern baptist church, our paths rarely crossed. Then they did, and we found a friendship we never thought would lead us here. In love, talking and praying and dreaming of a life together.

When I say I'm thankful for him it would be an understatement. But it's not because he's all that, although he's pretty rad. I am thankful for him because how God is his first love, and being with him, growing in love with him, continually changes me for the better. God continues to teach me -- transforming me into the likeness of Jesus by growing in love with J.

Knowing and being with my man, I have learned a great deal, some of which include... 

• It is important to learn the act of being still.


• People are important, so focus on them when you're with them.


• There's a difference between listening and active listening. Both are relevant.


• It's okay to not be in a hurry, to live some days unplanned.


• Being a servant is a beautiful way to love others.


• Being mindful priorities is a helpful way to keep life balanced.


• When you feel a prompt in an area of growth, take steps in order to facilitate that.


• Any act of kindness and generosity can go a long way.


• When you pray for something that delights God, He provides.


• There is wisdom in giving time and space to seek guidance before you make a decision.

70 days until we say 'I do.'

my Rock

In you, O Lord, do I take refuge; let me never be put to shame! In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; incline your ear to me, and save me! Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress. Psalm 71:1-3

My Rock, to which I may continually come. Today is a day of preaching to myself that God never tires of me, He always desires for me to come to Him. And that even when my soul is anxious, I can trust He has good in mind for me. 

For you, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth. Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother's womb. My praise is continually of you. Psalm 71:5-6

He has steadily been my hope and my trust. He, being Creator, being King of Kings, in His soveriegnty, has been a Rock for me since before I was born. He is the beginning and the end, therefore before I was even born I leaned on Him. Because He's God, and because He is mighty and holy and holds the entire universe in His hands. I believe that to be true. He took me from my mother's womb, which means He had a plan for me, for my life. He knew who I would be, where I would go, what I would struggle with, what hardships I would face, who I would interact with, what joys I would encounter. He knew all of this, and still chose to bring me into this world, promising to stay with me if I believed in Him as Lord. I fully believe, even if sometimes my mind has to intentionally preach it to my heart, that He would not have brought me into this world to leave me alone. He is a loving God, always, in spite of my sinful self. He desires to care for me. How glorious a truth.

O God, be not far from me... I will hope continually and will praise you yet more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation all the day, for their number is past my knowledge. O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come. Psalm 71:12-13, 17-18

Praise. This is a response for an anxious soul. Truth of the Bible, truth of God, this is Rock-solid truth. Praise is an affirming response, one that believes in the truth of His promises. Even when a bit of anxiety colors my day, I will ask His Spirit to help me hope continually and praise Him still more and more.

How do you interact with God when you have an anxious soul? 

image via death to stock

Current Read: Traveling Mercies

“It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent old tools - friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said 'do the best you can with these, they will have to do'. And mostly, against all odds, they do.”

Not exactly sure how I stumbled upon this book by Anne Lamott, but so far it's an interesting and rich read, in its own way. Some thoughts are deep, some are simple. But a continual thread through the entire story is one of figuring out and discovering real faith, and hope in God.

The above quote is a creative way of describing life and maturity. Life hands you tools, and you do with them what you can. You ask God to help you use the elements in front of you, around you, to live a life that is kind, loving, deep, and glorifying to Him. I think I resonate with this framework of thought because it sheds light on the reality of needing effort and growth in your life. I wasn't born knowing how to be patient, or what it felt like to give wisdom to a situation. Those, and many others, are things I prayed for you and worked out with the Lord. Disciplines and practices that take time, that take effort, that take lots of grace.

“Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue."

Born broken. Being mended in small or large ways every day through this life. Being held together and built by the grace of God.

How beautiful of a reality, how freeing! My whole life is a mending of my natural brokenness, and I'm not doing it alone. God, in His grace and mercy and love, help me. He mends that which I cannot mend, that which I cannot see. And His spirit is active in helping me mend that which I can change myself, that which I interact with everyday. His love is what helps us press into this life and live it deeply, wildly, and well.

“This is the most profound spiritual truth I know: that even when we're most sure that love can't conquer all, it seems to anyway. It goes down into the rat hole with us, in the guise of our friends, and there it swells and comforts. It gives us second winds, third winds, hundredth winds.”

Water to my soul, this truth. Truth that there is a love that goes down into the rat hole with us, in the guise of our friends, and there it swells and comforts. Hallelujah!

Love is the fire behind our actions, the strength in our behavior, the rope that reaches to us in our lowest of moments. Love is a chance to impact someone's life, to help others become who they want to be. Love is what pulls us through our days, breathing new life when we need it.

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8 

God is.

Something I've learned over the past year is that it isn't necessarily God's mercy that I most desire, or His patience, or His goodness. It's Him.

In Him is all that I need. The answer is always Him. His presence inside me, in Heaven on the throne, on the cross.

truth #29424 of loving someone

This past weekend was spent with all of J's family at the beach, and it. was. wonderful.

Walks on the beach with great women, fun times in the ocean with future niece and nephews, valuable conversation, restful times to read and relax, and plenty of quality time with my now-fiance.

This was the first time I had seen his sibling post-engagement, so it was fun to experience this new place with them, asking the wives (who have become friends) about relationship and learning love.

One thread throughout the weekend, either in an occasional conversation or my own thoughts, was the challenge and prayer to not be easily offended, and to not allow the mind to create a fictitious movie without the truth.

An easy and seemingly trivial example to what I'm talking about would be this. You call someone on the phone and they fail to call you back. You wait hours, even a day or two, and still don't hear from them. Your mind starts to develop this movie of why they won't call you back.

"Maybe I upset them in some way. Maybe they don't like me anymore, or think I'm boring. They have better things to do. They obviously don't really care about me."

As this movie in your mind reels, you start building a slight attitude toward this person. Hurt, disappointment, irrational, bitter, harsh.  You then start thinking and acting differently towards them. Silent treatment, short responses. They wonder what's wrong so you share your feelings, only to hear that they dropped their phone in the ocean and haven't been able to get a new one all week!

So often I allow my emotions or my mind to run wild without seeking the truth.

I pray now that I would be not be easily offended, when it comes to J or anyone else, and that the Holy Spirit would begin to help me discipline my mind to not get carried away, creating an attitude or belief that may be far from the truth. Christ is the ultimate Mediator, and I fully believe that being completely satisfied in Him with help me more freely love well, give of myself well, and believe the best in people, especially J. How freeing it will be.

I've observed that the attacks of the Enemy on godly relationship only heighten when good things begin to happen, and it can be traced all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Satan hates God-fearing and God-loving relationship. I have been challenged to pray for J and I, and those around us involved in this wedding planning season, to be guarded against Satan's plotting and attempts, and to be aware that he is indeed active and fighting against us moving forward in the way God intends.

I'm praying for the Lord to prepare us in every way, for that which is seen and expected as well as that which is unseen and unexpected.

This weekend was such a wonderful and rich time, and I'm inexpressibly thankful for the family into which I'm about to join. They are good, and kind, and all about loving Jesus and those around them.

Growing Up Into Christ

Paul, in Ephesians 4, challenges me to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which I have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

I then wonder what my calling is. Apart from treasuring and obeying Jesus, enjoying God, and loving people (those are a lifelong calling), I think callings may change with seasons. For the past four years, a calling of mine has been to do my best in school, honoring the Lord with my actions, choices, and behavior in college.

Now, in this very current season -- wedding planning and life transitions -- my calling is to allow the Holy Spirit to help me continue to grow into Christ. Small tests of patience, the strength to forgive, the power to love and be gracious, the ability to let go. Growing into Christ, steadily.

There is one body and one Spirit -- just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call -- one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

The idea of one is unifying, foundational, stabilizing... don't you think? It helps my focus. When my attention strays, it feels a tug back to one thing. Always One.

But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. 

[And he gave] to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes.

I'm sure this context leans more toward ministry work, but in its structure I find a challenging hope of God. He gave grace to equip me for work that reflects His Kingdom, to build up His people... to mature me, to help me get to a place where I can be more full of Christ, to be more like Him. This, in turn, helps me not be tossed by life's hard waves or carried away by other's sin or humanness.

Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the Head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

In the past I have looked at this passage very closely. But the eyes through which I read it now have the scope drawn back far. I am to grow up in every way into Christ. Christ, in whom the body (His people, the Church) is created, held together, and equipped. Growth can be small, it can seem trivial, it can be leaps, or it can be tiny steps. Growth can be physical, mental, emotional, but always spiritual. Growing in Christ is about a direction, I think. What am I growing up in? What am I growing toward?

In Christ. Growing in every way into Him. Gathered in Him, found in Him. Equipped in Him. 

And, in love. This passage is also a reminder to not only do things in love, but that it happens by love. Love is the means God burns away sin. Love is the best space for growth and change. And what I've learned over the past year is that love sometimes doesn't look like love. It can be tough love, it can be disciplinary love. Sometimes what is best isn't always easy, and oftentimes what seems easy isn't really love.

In Love. A daily reminder and challenge for me.

Neck Deep In...

... wedding details



... moving from Statesboro back home

... mentally, emotionally, spiritually preparing for marriage, even amidst all the lovely chaos

... preparing for my new job (two weeks to go)

... emotion from permanently leaving day-to-day life at Connection (excitement for their next steps, a little sadness over not working with some people) Even though I know I'll keep in touch with so many of them, it was still a sad thing to leave Statesboro. The best is yet to come!





... tasks to be checked off, decisions to be made

... prayer to be like Jesus during these passing days of planning and doing

... soaking up minutes with loved ones, enjoying summer

... a desire to immerse myself in the Bible

... juggling a thousand thoughts seemingly at one time