Misunderstood grace.

I recently read an article written by Tullian Tchividjian about God's inexhaustable grace, and it may or may not have revolutionized my perspective on law and grace. In an effort to not quote the entire article, I'm going summarize what stuck out to me and how it altered my attitude.

Misunderstood grace. As much as I hate to admit it, I think in some ways I am a victim of this. In what ways is grace misunderstood? One way that Tullian described it is 'cheapened law.' For some Christians, grace is the reduction of God's expectations of us. Because of grace, many times we think we just need to try hard. Grace becomes this law-cheapening agent, attempting to make the law easier to follow.

"A low view of law always produces legalism; a high view of law makes a person a seeker after grace."  J. Gresham Machen

I think what I've grown to think is that having a high view of the law caused me to be legalist, when in actuality, maybe it's the opposite. A low view of the law causes me to live as if I can do it -- as if the standards are attainable, and demands doable. And I think I have lived that way, trying to find the 'balance' between having a high view of the law and a low view. But there really is no balance. A high view of the law reminds me that God accepts me on the basis of Christ's perfection, not my progress. We fight sin, not because our sin blocks God's love for us, but because our sin blocks our love for God, and others. Tullian said this, "Grace, properly understood, is the movement of a Holy God toward an unholy people. He doesn't cheapen the law or ease its requirements. He fulfills them in His Son, who then gives his righteousness to us. That's the Gospel." Cheapened law, dulled and watered down, is the idea that God accepts anything less than the perfect righteousness of Jesus.

Only when we see that the way of God's law is absolutely inflexible will we see that God's grace is absolutely indispensable. I need to have a high view of the law, so I remember that I could not save myself nor can I add to my salvation by my performance, but that I am in desperate need of God's grace, continually.

"We cannot use the doctrine of sanctification to negotiate our acceptance with God." Scott Clark

The law shows our need. The Gospel announces our provision. We're in constant need of hearing both. 

To be completely honest, I think I've been looking at the law for the wrong motivation. For a long time, I was looking at it as a way to gauge my relationship with God, my love and obedience. Slightly wrong, I think. Since I am in Christ, the law directs me toward grace; the law makes me a seeker of the Gospel. Knowledge of the law should stir my heart to the reality of a good and merciful and faithful and loving God, instead of having a prideful heart and finding security in my performance.

"When I thought God was hard, I found it easy to sin; but when I found God so kind, so good, so overflowing with compassion, I beat my breast to think I could ever have rebelled against One who loved me so and sought my good." Charles Spurgeon

Conversations that clarify

My man and I had some great conversations this past weekend, conversations that made my heart swell, that directed my thoughts heavenward for peace and steadiness, that made things clearer than they were before, and that assured my tender heart that there is a man walking on this earth who sincerely desires to love and be with me.

You know what I took away most from this weekend though? I took away something special: the sweet feeling that comes from from hearing that someone desires to know you, and be known by you, for as many days as God gives them. 

I still don't think the reality has sunk in, despite the warmth in my heart and peace in my soul, that someone would want to spend their days with me. ME.

I don't know exactly what the future holds, because I'm not the God Who Sees, but I'm excited to see all God has in store, however it comes about. And I'm excited about being on the same team with this man through this whole process.

"God prunes us when He is about to take us into a new season of growth and expansion." Christine Caine

Growing up = big decisions

That you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:9-14

How splendid and marvelously weighty of a prayer!

This is the part that stands out to me most on this day: That you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. I am in an interesting stage of my life. One that majority of humanity experiences: the transition between college to real world. I'm only almost halfway through my senior year, so it's not like any decision needs to be made quickly... but the possibilities are rolling in. By God's grace, I potentially have a couple of options when it comes to a job after graduation -- the difficult aspect being that those options are in three completely different cities. On top of that, I'm in what I think is a serious relationship, serious enough to lead to marriage, and that adds a layer of intentional thought and prayer.

I can't define what kind of state it puts me in. One that seems numb. The variety of decisions I have before me are big, life-shifting decisions.

I need wisdom. I know and believe God has a specific plan for my life, and I trust that wherever that is and whatever that entails, I will be happy and content -- because it'll be His best for me at the time.

I still need wisdom, and sensitivity to His leading. As well as honesty from the other half of this dating relationship.

It comes in waves

Who I am comes in waves.

God's goodness comes in waves.

Sometimes joy comes in waves; other times, sadness. 

Love and gratitude comes in waves. Love and gratitude goes out from me in waves. 

A good friend recently wrote this about me, "This woman is a fierce mixture of boldness and tender-heartedness. Chelsea is an all-or-none kind of person. Go big or go home. This mentality plays out in all areas of her life – relationships, sports, academics, and her spirituality. She’s a thinker and a dreamer." And she is so very right! I am such a passionate person; I am such an expressive person. To be honest, in my relationship with Jesus? It provides an intimacy that I would not trade for anything in the world. In my daily life, if I think about something for too long, I can get almost emotional, overwhelmed with gratitude for God's grace manifested in my life: staff I work with, friendships I cherish, a godly dating relationship, the opportunities I have, the church I'm involved with, family that I cherish. The list could go on and on!

It comes in waves sometimes. What I have to remind myself is that my God is also an emotional God.. I was created in His image! I don't discount my passionate nature, ever. Today, amidst stressful tasks and tests, my heart swells at the reality of God's faithfulness.. that He holds me steady and complete and secure.

Readjusting focus

"Regardless of whether we feel strong or weak in our faith, we remember that our assurance is not based upon our ability to conjure up some special feeling. Rather, it is built upon a confident assurance in the faithfulness of God. We focus on His trustworthiness and especially on His steadfast love." Richard Foster

Someone challenged me the other day with the reality that regardless of my effort or even my heart for Jesus, it is GOD and the reality of who He is - His unconditional love - that gives and sustains my life. It's like Isaiah 64:6 says, "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags." Even at my "best," (which is hardly best when compared to the holiness of God) it still has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Jesus alone. 

It's a humbling reminder for me.

It challenges me to wake up everyday and readjust my focus.

Renewing the mind

Walking heaven minded is getting your mind renewed constantly. Part of renewing our mind is walking in an opposite spirit than our circumstances. Walking in the opposite spirit looks like choosing the reality of what God is speaking to you, regardless of the external surroundings. In every season, there is a way God is wanting to be known by you. There's a part of Him He's wanting you to access that you could not access before.

If we live in the suspicions and doubts that surround or enter our mind, we will live in the reality of them! If we choose the promise of His peace and search for it everywhere we go, we will see it contrary to the circumstances surrounding us. The goal in God's heart is for peace to become a lasting thing. He's promising us something that is actually already our inheritance. It belongs to us, as children of God.

He desires to banish fear, worry, anxiety, doubt, and all negativity from our being. It's not our job to carry these things, these fruits of the enemy, it's our job to carry the fruits of the Spirit. Something I have to intentionally preach to myself is this: if a thought leads to negativity, banish it, and give it to Jesus.

In Christ, I am entitled to peace. It's my inheritance.

Grace in a collection of todays

Life is never easy, no matter how peachy it may seem on someone's outside. I grew up in a home where two parents love each other and love God. I grew up, by God's grace, with a heart longing to know and experience the Trinity. This made the attitude of my heart and mind towards life a little different. Life, of course, is still life. Life on this side of heaven is unpredictable, uncertain, and full of imperfect, sinful people. Seasons of hurtful family drama, my own selfishness and pride, finding my identity in things that are not God, a relentless injury that robbed me of my chance to run collegiate track and field, stressors of this world. It has not been easy, but it has been rich - rich because I am in Christ. And even the ugliest of times can be made good by God.

Often times at the end of a day I feel like I didn’t get anywhere. After a few minutes sitting in that feeling of busyness but not life-giving productivity, I remember that the leap of growth God has brought me through happened in baby steps during a collection of todays. One of my favorite things about my relationship with Jesus, and the Christian faith for that matter, is that it is progressive. Grace is refining. If I desire to grow in Christ-likeness, even if I am learning a hard lesson, or struggling with a particular aspect of my sinful nature, it's okay. I am in Christ, therefore God delights in a heart that desires to know and love Him. This is a degree of the gospel I preach to myself most often, I think. When I feel as though I am walking in circles, seemingly unable to overcome an idol or a distraction, continually fighting my flesh, He calls me to remember that grace is results in transformation. Daily, sometimes in small degrees, sometimes by even the smallest amount of strength... transformation occurs.

From one degree to another. Baby steps during a collection of todays. Sometimes it is a joyful process – other times it may be a painful one.

I'm also finding that as I follow Jesus I need to unlearn a way of being in the world and learn a new way of being. Of actually making the truth of the Bible tangible in my actions and attitude, instead of letting them remain simply as words on a page. Clothing myself with Christ, allowing His words to abide in me, growing in Christ-likeness...

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5

Back in Blogland

I like to think I'm a writer. I am absolutely positively a thinker, and a conversationalist, and quite the expressive kind... but a writer I just like to think I am. I journal, because if I didn't my busy mind would spill out all over the place on a consistent basis... and that's never a highly esteemed thing, right?  I used to really enjoy blogging (this used to be my corner of the web).. then things got super busy and it became something to just "keep up with." I didn't want it to be that, so I stepped away. Now I want to step back in, and see what happens. With fresh purpose.

I am now a senior in college, working herself to the bone to graduate with a kickbutt design portfolio and a wonderful loving joyous sense of being intact. I love Jesus more than I ever have, because the beauty of grace is that as I grow up my faith also matures, my desire to grow in Christ-likeness remains, and His love continually calls to my heart. I am in a relationship with a man I have grown to love dearly, whose friendship I treasure. He makes me laugh, he takes care of me, he desires to know me, he challenges and encourages me, and he desires to love and know God above all else. My little sister started her college years this past August, and it's eventful and fun to see her learning and experiencing. There are many other changes that have taken place since I was last in the blogosphere, but those will come out eventually, I'm sure.

I have gone back and forth on the stance of whether a blog should be more for the author or for those who stumble upon it. I think I want this place to be both. Writing is a fantastic way to organize one's thoughts, to help process and reflect, to question or to share. I know that this is true. Maybe my shared reflections and happenings can inspire others along the way.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Colossians 3:17